What is your hair story?
A question I never thought was worth pondering – until the moment came when it was time to reflect deeply on it.
It took me a while to find my words when Gloria Tabi of the Enable Women Africa platform asked me to share my story. My initial instinct was resistance – “I don’t have a hair story,” rang loudly in my mind. Over time, I’ve learned to notice when low vibrational energy fuels internal resistance. I called upon my tools including self-awareness and compassion towards self among others, to help me find harmony with this question, even as it threatened to undo me.
During the past couple of years, I completed a master’s course in holistic counselling, becoming a qualified Holistic Counsellor. While I recognise the problematic colonial roots embeds in some healing paradigms, I also believe in the power of contrast – that multiple truths can coexist. This education provided me with a language to navigate the society I live within particularly when it relates to healing modalities.
In the book, The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk writes about the ways our bodies hold trauma. For me, some of my unhealed wounds found refuge beneath my scalp which is closely related to my crown chakra. This means until such a time that I was able to nurture the balance between my highest consciousness and the universe I traverse, disharmony lingered in my aura.
While external factors such as limited access to hair products, salons, and the pervasive racism in diaspora play a significant role, it’s equally vital to acknowledge personal trauma as a driver behind the choices many African women make regarding their hair.
Recently, I saw a social media skit where a white husband reacts intensely upon discovering his Black wife wearing a wig. He declares, “That’s it,” grabs his hat, and leaves the room, leaving her stunned. The comments praised her natural hair, questioning why she felt the need to wear a wig.
This scene reminded me that unless someone feels safe enough to share their lived experience, we should not assume that a woman’s choice to wear a wig, weave, or braids signifies a lack of pride in her heritage or her authentic self.
Perhaps, for some, that hairstyle is part of their healing journey, a healthy coping mechanism along the path to wholeness.
In 2007, I experienced a profound duality, joy intertwined with deep pain. I became a mother to a sleeping baby, and although many years have passed, my body has been keeping this score.
As a wounded healer – particularly through my words – I continue to learn acceptance of myself, patience, and cultivating inner peace amidst internal and external turmoil.
So, to answer the question, What is your hair story?
Mine is an unfolding tale of gentleness. It’s a story softly whispered in my mind’s ear, with kind words in a honeyed tone, overflowing with love. It’s a story that awakens from stagnant energy, patiently waiting in the sunshine, ready to bloom.